I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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