we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
