Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How external is "for external use only"?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
