She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i think my cat just said my name.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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