I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
