We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
