just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
