ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
