If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Randomize
