Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
