did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
