Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
