The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
