I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
