There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
