It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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