just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
