That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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