I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
