Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
