So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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