i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
