dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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