OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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