I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you had me at cake vodka
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
