I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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