I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
