There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
only you would photoshop your dick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
