false alarm. still invincible.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
