when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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