i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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