i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
