I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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