I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
