I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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