Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
