I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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