he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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