and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
