i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
