I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
