I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
