I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
