woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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