Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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