a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Randomize
