But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
