shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
