Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
