is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
