I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
