Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
