I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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