There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
