He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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