My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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