i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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